Thursday, August 29, 2013

All New X-men #16 PREVIEW and POTENTIAL SPOILERS!

Ever see one of those trailers for a movie where the trailer ends up giving away a pretty important part of the movie? I imagine that if the trailer for Empire Strikes Back included that little tidbit about Dearth Vadar being Luke Skywalker's father was included, the movie would have lost a lot of impact and fans would have gone into the movie spoiled, confused, and maybe a little pissed off. I tend not to get too upset with spoilers. When you've killed as many brain cells as I have, you just can't dedicate that much mental capacity to avoiding them and being totally shocked by them. If I want to be totally shocked, I'll moon a passing police cruiser and wait for them to taze me in the nuts. I'm okay with a little shock, but only to the point that it doesn't make me piss myself.

Earlier today, CBR released a preview for X-men Battle of the Atom #1. It didn't reveal much. All it showed is yet another fucked up future where Sentinels use mutants for target practice and Iceman getting horny at the sight of a pretty girl. In addition, Newsarama released a preview of All New X-men #16, which is the second part of the 10-part Battle of the Atom saga and is set to be released on the same day. But the preview it reveals might just spoil a few details about what happens in Battle of the Atom #1. So I guess if you get turned on by getting tazed in the ass, you might want to go back to distracting yourself with old 90s porn. Otherwise, read on and let your mind entertain some dirty possibilities that may either turn you on or make you vomit.


The scene itself is no more fucked up than Marty McFly meeting his teenage parents. That shit is always good for a laugh or two. And Deadpool adds a third for good measure. It's the recap page that offers the most telling clue:

"But after young Cyclops was nearly killed in a Sentinel attack, rewriting history without him, the rest of the X-men resolved to send the time traveling teens back to where they came from."

So unless Brian Michael Bendis doesn't squeeze in another deal with Mephisto off-panel, I guess we can surmise what happens in X-men Battle of the Atom #1. An earlier preview already shows O5 Cyclops throwing himself into the line of fire. And who can blame him? He finds out that everybody hates him in the future. He's a wanted fugitive who ends up killing Charles Xavier. And the love of his life now hates his guts and is trying to hook up with one of his best friends. Hell, I'm surprised O5 Cyclops hasn't raided Wolverine's stash of hard liquor and drank himself to death yet. I knew if I found out that my future was that fucked I would drink myself to death too. Then again, I've been trying to do that for years and it has been slow going. So I guess he would need a more efficient method.

But now it looks like in putting himself in the line of fire, the X-men are about to find out what happens to them in a world without Cyclops. And based on this preview, we can surmise a few key spoilers. First and foremost, the future is fucked if there's no leader to lead the X-men through their darkest hours. Second, we can probably also surmise that Wolverine and Beast probably took turns banging Jean Grey while spitting on Cyclops's grave. That shit is a given. But this helps explain the source of this latest apocalyptic future. Because as much as everybody hates Cyclops now, they probably have already forgotten that he has led the X-men through some pretty nasty shit over the years. Without him, the X-men don't survive some of that shit. It may piss off Wolverine, Beast, and everyone else who ever fantasized about Jean Grey. But it's the cold hard truth.

I'm not sure if this counts as a spoiler, but it definitely creates a viable issue for the X-men to deal with. Their future is fucked yet again and the only way to fix it is to send the O5 X-men back to the past. But getting teenagers to do what is right is like trying to wipe a pitbulls ass when he's horny. It's a losing battle. And it promises to create a temporal clusterfuck that will make Battle of the Atom worthy of commemorating the 50th anniversary of the X-men. Nuff said!

5 comments:

  1. I'm actually really looking forward to Battle of the Atom...which probably just goes to prove I'm a sucker considering how many times these big events are a let-down.

    Mostly this preview leaves me asking one question. Either time has already been altered and erased Molly from Wolverine's memory or it is a selective memory loss about the fact he's been beat-up by a little girl with a single punch(on more than one occasion!)? Or it could just be brain damage? God knows he drinks enough to have killed all his braincells several times over.

    I wonder if they'll squeeze in a future Molly meeting present day Molly? Consider the Runaways are all busy getting killed in Avengers Arena or have vanished(where do all those Marvel characters go when the writers lose interest in them and they don't appear in anything?) she's got some free time...to kill(terrible punning).

    Anyway hope to be reading your views on how BotA progresses because yours are always the best.

    Cheers

    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment, Paul! Expect me to review Battle of the Atom with a joint and a bottle of whiskey. I'm looking forward to it even if my liver isn't.

      Jack

      Delete
  2. What where your thoughts on the conclusion of the hellfire saga?
    Marc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really enjoyed and had I not been traveling last week, I probably would have done a review about it. I wish I still could, but with X-men Battle of the Atom coming up I must focus my attention on other matters.

      Jack

      Delete
    2. That's cool I can't wait for battle of the atom
      So to read your review will be awesome! :)
      Marc

      Delete